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Every now and then, parents hear that cognitive skills are very much important to make kids smarter and parents should help their children to improve their kids’ cognitive development but do the parents really know what cognitive development is?

Let me first elaborate here, what exactly are cognitive skills or when we talk about cognitive development what should we focus on?

Why cognitive skills are needed due to excessive competition?

Cognitive skills are skills that help you to understand, process and react according to situation. It’s your cognitive skills which help you to understand that today is colder than normal day and so you should wear sweater to go out.

Any day to day situation, big or small decision and every choice you make in your life need your cognitive skills and so now you know why it is pretty much important for your kids too.

Cognitive skills are not only to make your kids extra intelligent but it is essential for them to perform well in day to day life, to take care of themselves in uneven situations and to improve their decision power.

Personally, I don’t believe in any competition and so I would suggest you not to force your kids for anything but yes, these are the skills which constantly help one to grow mentally and mental growth is equally important to physical growth and thus you must make sure that they don’t lack in these skills.

What skills can be taught to children to help them grow smarter?

When we talk about cognitive skills in children we mainly focus on:

1. Concentration span
2. Memory
3. Processing procedure and/or time to process

For example, when you instruct your 4 years old kid 1. To remove his shoes 2. Wash his hands and 3. Join you for the dinner and if your kid listens all three instructions (even if they reply with No), you can say your kid has good concentration level. If he does all of these means he has got an excellent memory too and if he takes extra effort to put his shoes in shoe rack or wipes his hands after washing means he really has good processing power. So, basically cognitive skills mean 1. How well your kids listen to instructions? 2 How do they process that information? and 3. How much they really remember?

All three skills are inborn and improves gradually with the age. For example,

Concentration: Your 3 years kid cannot sit for more than 10 to 15 minutes to colour while 5 years kids can sit for longer time.

Memory: All the parents are aware of short memory span of younger children and that’s the reason they all use distraction method to stop their kids from crying or rotate toys instead of getting new toys every time.

Processing: Your two years toddler can handle one or two instructions at a time while 4 years pre-schooler can process three to four instructions in the same amount of time. Normally, for kids, every year add ups one or two instructions to process. (Of course, this doesn’t mean you can instruct your 12 years old kids with 12 instructions at a time but yes, they can complete the task that contains 12-15 instructions all by themselves.)

Though, kids learn all these at their own pace, you can help them to improve these skills with little effort and repetitive practice. Our old playtime like marbles, hopscotch, seashells games and even humming bird game play vital role to develop cognitive skills.

Ways to improve your kids’ cognitive skills or speed up their mind to learn these skills without forcing them:

1. To increase concentration span you can read them story books and ask them to tell you the same story again. You can encourage them to play games similar to “concentration 64”. (yes, old games are pretty amazing to develop cognitive skills!) Musical instruments, painting, blocks and puzzles are also very helpful to increase concentration span. But at the same time remember that concertation is all about how well they listen, not how do they listen. If your kid is not looking at you but answers your questions perfectly, shows that he has got good concentration. Sitting at one place can count but not necessarily important.
2. To increase memory span, you can use memory games likes memory cards, missing thing from a table or tell me what’s in my basket. Small conversations with your kids about their day in a school is pretty much effective. Encourage them to share details.
3. To increase thinking/Processing power you can give them tasks to accomplish. Instruct them with multiple instructions and see how well they can perform. Leave the control for a while and let them decide what should be done next. For example, if you come back from shopping, instead of guiding them what to do next, let them figure out what could be done next from their cognitive memory. Let them miss the jacket or water bottle for the picnic and let them learn “what did they forget” and “how did that impact them” as at the end practical experiences teach a lot than theory.

I will still insist you to show your kids “the old games” that you played as a kid because no matter how good blocks or puzzles are, they cannot replace the magic of old games that played essential role in our cognitive development.

I am parent I am in the middle of someday

I can have everything including worry

Still I can be loving in just one sorry

My mind is over occupied in any day

But I am parent I know I am in the middle of someday

“How was my day” Cannot be answered in just one word

My morning is happy when I see my kids’ smile

My noon can be fussy if they don’t like their quick bite

My evening can be entertaining when they play together

And my night can be mad if they say whatever

I can feel so many emotions in just one day

But I am parent I know I am in the middle of someday

I might be wrong I might be right

But my schedule is always tight

I might want to take a break when we fight

But my heart aches when my kids go out of sight

I have long to do list for every single day

But I am parent I know I am in the middle of someday

My kids’ homework is not my responsibility

But I work on that more than I did in my school days

I brutally state “you must eat this”

But I make sure to fulfil their wish very next day

I am not master in managing tantrums of everyday

But I am parent I know I am in the middle of someday

When my spouse and my kids argue

I have to jump in to take over the issue

It is okay if I cannot be master chef or actuary

But my most important job is to be referee

I am not allowed to take day off on any day

But I am parent I know I am in the middle of someday

Foster Feel

First of all, I would like to apologize for putting my lovely readers and friends in such a long wait state. Foster Feel couldn’t post since long due to some technical issues and now it’s back and I can’t tell you how much thrilled I am to post one more article on this website.

“If you want to find a mother, follow her kid!”, joke people, but actually its truth. Mother and kids are glued with each other in such a way that kid/s are always in mother’s mind no matter how far she is.

A mother can go for shopping, a mother can go for a movie, a mother can go for dine out or if she is lucky enough, she can even go for a picnic or on a trip with her friends but does that mean she is on leave?

No, because no matter where she is, her thoughts are always around one word and that’s K I D S.

I consider my self as one of those lucky moms who can get a chance to sneak out for herself and recently I have been for a movie with few friends. Though, we have decided to enjoy it thoroughly without kids in our minds, just in 15 minutes, we were chattering about our kids! That’s call motherhood and our leave!

Though, we all want to go away from our motherhood (at least once in a month) and want to live life freely like before, the truth is it is history. Mothers can take a leave physically but mentally, she is always with her kids.

During our leaves, what we all can think about is our kids, their meals, their toys, their school schedules, their science projects and their mood swings. Hundreds of things are in our minds and most of those circles around our “Kids”. We go out with our friends to take a break as a mother and we end up talking about kids, whole time!

We love to complain about our kids when we know, the next person is going to tell us “Oh, yours is much better, look at mine!” That’s fun.  Isn’t it? That’s our motherly friendship where we know no matter how much frustrated we are with our kids, our friends are going to show us how good we are as a mother and how good our kids are.

I am proud mother not because I feel so, not because my kids say so, not because my family admires for that but I am proud mother because my friends think so and every now and then they remind me how good I am, so I don’t give up my good vibes and can give my 100% to my kids. That’s our friendship which only mothers can understand and only mothers can feel. And that’s our leaves where we constantly talk about our kids and still consider ourselves away from kids.

I am lucky to have these friends in my life who encourages me to be a good mother and so, I would love to dedicate this article to them.

Well, now you all know (most of us already knew) that mothers can take a leave but she won’t because no matter how much she craves for the one, she is incomplete without her kids.

If you too know these kind of mothers or have these kind of friends, please dedicate this articles to them.

To be Jealous is just an emotion like happy, sad, cranky, excited, bored, grumpy and angry. It is perfectly okay to feel it once in a while as a kid. Normally kids face this feeling between the ages of 5 years to 6 years but sometimes it arrives early. Though feelings are very good to learn, it is very important to teach your kids which feeling they should accept and which one should be avoided. For example we have to teach our kids that we should choose happiness over sadness and we should avoid jealousy and anger as much as possible.

One day my 6 years old daughter came to me and asked “mom do you think that aunt doesn’t like me?”

I was really surprised and eager to know her point of view so I started conversation with “of course not dear, what did make you think like that?”

And here what I got “because she always praises my friend but not me!!!”

And I got the whole story. The friend she was talking about was very confident at early age. That girl used to visit many places alone and so we did talk about her couple of times and my daughter overheard some of those conversations.

For kids it is very common to compare themselves with others. Once they turn 5 they look at the people to be best. They try to copy their parents, their teachers, their friends, their neighbors or anyone who looks best to them. As a result they follow them blindly. Well it is not their fault; they just want to be best. And if their best people complements other than them they feel they are not up to the mark and get into the competition. As a parent it is our responsibility to teach our kids that there is no competition and there is no word like best. We don’t do things to impress others and there is no need of others to love us.

Things became easy for me because I knew my daughter was little jealous to be best and I knew exactly what I needed to do here and that worked too. And so I came up with one more article. (As most of my articles are my experiences only).

I explained her two things:  1.There is no comparison. Everyone is different. When we praise someone that just includes someone not you. 2. Even if Aunt likes her friend more, she shouldn’t be worried about that. Everyone likes different things, different food, different clothes and so as people. You cannot be favorite of all. And that is perfectly okay.

Mostly this feeling comes for friends, cousins, classmates or siblings. Sometimes they compare themselves with others or sometimes they notice their parents doing the same. Sometimes they overheard something and sometimes they simply misunderstand the things. They have little knowledge of being best and that makes them little confuse.

And so here I am demonstrating when kids become jealous first:

1. When kids are not getting enough attention: Well we can’t define enough here because each kid needs different amount of time and comfort. 5 years is big milestone and brings big changes in your kids, and so their requirements changes too. Till now they were looking for your physical presence but now they want you to be present both mentally and physically. What you need to do is just spend quality time with your kids instead of looking for quantity time only. You might be giving your best but here they are the boss.
2. When their favorites pay attention to others: This was the case with my daughter and it is very easy to overcome when you have good parent-kid relationship. If you are enough close to your kids’ heart they won’t really mind all these things for long time and understand your explanation too but if you are not you must work on that.
3. When they overheard the conversation: Kids’ minds are very tricky, they think in different way and so you must be careful with your words and/or action when they are around.
4. When this feeling is inherited: If you feel jealous once in a while then chances of your kids’ being jealous are higher. Not because it is in your genes but because somewhere somehow you will surely express your jealousy by one or another way and as kids are cute copy cats they will copy this too. Work on your feelings to manage theirs.

Do you think your kid is jealous to be best? If yes then follow these rules to help them to deal with their feeling:

1. Pay attention, pay it little more.
2. Don’t discuss kids’ when they are around.
3. Make regular conversation with your kids. Best place is your dining table. Ask questions like who is best in school, who is good in sports, who is good in reading etc. They don’t need to be best in all. All have different attribute.
4. Model others but not too much.
5. Stop justifying your kids did or feelings in front of others. That encourages their wrong behavior. Bad is bad no matter what is the reason.
6. Do not feel pity on your kid, you are making them weak.
7. Scold at the right time not all the times. They should know what is wrong exactly when that happens.
8. Make sure your kids get enough sleep. Sleep is the solution for each and every problem. If they are fresh, their mind is ready to accept the truth and analyze the facts else just not.
9. Give hugs and kisses frequently. That helps your kids to grow and nourish their brain and body.
10. Don’t forget to mention one good did of your kid before you call it a night.

There was a time when you couldn’t imagine kids without a toy and now it’s time when you won’t see even a single kid without gadgets! Gadgets like mobile phones, tablet, play station, laptop and television are taking place in kids’ life like it is necessity but the truth is it is just a facility. Once in a while watching something on TV or playing video games is change for both parents and kids but every day is just a bad habit. If you are one of those parents who think gadgets are helpful in many ways then I would like to show you where exactly parents prefer to offer gadgets to their kids and how can it not be necessity.

Here are the reasons when/where parents prefer to offer gadgets to their kids:

1. While eating: As a parent we want our kids to eat healthy and little more. Well there is no definition of little more but yes we all try to feed little extra to our kids and for that we offer anything and everything. But do you know compare to gadgets, table games are more successful tool to feed the kids with entertainment? Gadgets just distract kids from their food so we can feed them whatever we want but table games actually offer interest in food so they can enjoy the meal too. For more please read the article Follow 8 rules to feed your kids.
2. When kids are cranky: We just need to give little time to teach our kids right soothing ways at right age and we are done. You may use soft toys, blankets or some books to soothe them and truly speaking the effect of those last longer than watching television or playing video games.
3. When we do not want disturbance: When we are over occupied or on phone call we feel gadgets are the quick solution to our problem but the truth is it is just an option among many other solutions which we don’t see. Look around and you will surely find the perfect way to relax.
4. To teach something: To teach manners or to extend your kids’ knowledge there are books, there are magazines and there are educational toys. You don’t need videos for that. I agree videos are interesting and take less effort (from both parents and kids) but out of 50 videos only 1 video fulfill your requirement. Rests are just time pass. And most important thing is you can never be sure what exactly your kid will learn from those videos.
5. While travelling : Yeah this one is sure tricky because getting kids’ interest in something like travelling, nature or long drive is a lot more effort but you can always divert them with travel toys, travel games and books. Slowly they will get interest in nature as well.
6. Time pass: Well first kids don’t need time pass. They have whole time to play and enjoy so if you think it is a long day and your kids are bored (which they are not) let me remind you of the toys you bought for them. Toys are their time pass not video games.

Well if you are a parent who permits gadgets for above reasons then it’s time for you to rethink on that. If you are a parent who too thinks gadgets are not good for kids and want to wean it, here is the solution which can help you with that.

1. Change yourself: Actually it’s not kids who crave for gadgets it’s us who think gadgets can do magic. We say we are running out of time but if we look into our screen time (including mobile calls and social sites) we waste more than our 40% of a day in doing nothing!!! Sad but true. So now not for yourself then for your kids get the change in your life. Kids are cute copy cats; their base of interest is mostly your interest so if you stop using gadgets they will automatically follow you. Start working on your habit and it will automatically reflect on your kids’ habit. Trust me it’s not tough, I have stopped using gadgets in front of my daughter since last 5 years and it is working really smooth.
2. Add outdoor games: Fresh air, free space and good partner in sports that’s all kids need. Take them out, play with them, walk in trail, run to race and introduce real sports or games which you used to play as a kid. You never know you might need this more than your kids.
3. Divert with encouragement: If you went too long with gadgets then your kids may ask for it in initial days. Don’t be disappointed. It’s perfectly normal. They are expecting the thing which you once set into their routine. What they need is just a company and that can be you. Try some indoor games to divert, sing songs, read books, bring out artist in you or tell them stories. (If nothing works TRY WATER or SAND toys. That never fails.) There are so much fun activities to do and so choose whatever is suitable for you.
4. Don’t say No: No one likes to listen NO. It is a small word but the impact is huge. I am not saying never use NO but just be cautious. I have seen many parents who say no for everything and give half of those things. This way they lose control over NO and their kids both. When you say No for everything, kids get confuse and upset but if you say No for certain things then your kids will surely give it a thought. So if you want your kids to listen to your No for gadgets, say NO for the right things only. Be wise with your words, be patient, trust your decision and have faith in your kids. Nothing is impossible.

There must be something which you strongly believe and if you don’t mind please look back into that to find out the source of your belief.

For now let’s talk about my beliefs. There are few things which I strongly believe and no matter how hard I try I cannot change it. For example 1. Do not lie 2. Follow your heart and few more like these which really played vital role in my life style.

I won’t say I don’t lie at all (we all have to be social liar) but yes you can catch that easily because of the hesitation I get at the time of not telling the truth. This hesitation is due to moral values that I learned during my childhood and if I look back to the sources of these beliefs, I don’t remember my parents have ever taught me any of these directly. Those came from the folktales and story books.

I grew up in a small town and so most of my beliefs come from that place. Every night we all kids used to gather around the temple and listened to elderly people, their experiences, their thinking, their struggles and their beliefs. Those elderly people were our neighbors, grandparents, great-grandparents and even monk who told us many tales and truths about the town and nearby things. Well some were truths and some were myths but those tales left its effect in our heart. Many things we couldn’t understand at that time but realized during our growing age and those learning helped us to survive, to struggle and to move ahead in our life without losing our confidence and self-control.

Old times were different. We had great-grandparents, grandparents, neighbors or even monk to tell us stories and we learned a lot from them. I don’t remember who told me what but I definitely remember the concept, the motive, the moral, the manner and the hope that they gave us during those years.

Those stories helped me to stay focused on my goals during my bad times and encouraging me to follow my heart at this age too. Things that I truly believe and keep me alive came from those stories. That is something I always cherish and share with my daughter to give her strength to live life freely.

Well now old days are gone. Our kids hardly get opportunities to spend time with their own grandparents. Thus it is our responsibility to give them tales, talks and lifelong thoughts to survive. And that can be achieved by the olden ways just with the new people and new concept. What I mean is stories, same stories but with the parents or with the books.

“Madam Flora” is a kids’ story book which demonstrates day to day disciplines and manners in kids’ friendly language which I wrote especially for my daughter. She learned a lot from those stories and so I thought to share with other parents to give benefits of it.

Stories are stories but it gives different impact based on the time. During night (sleep) hours our subconscious mind gets more alert. Thoughts we put into that mind stays for longer duration so we prefer to tell the stories at the time of bed. Sometimes kids may not understand the real concept or they may not remember the whole story but in longer run you will see the difference in their thoughts, in their views, in their vision to see the world and in their behavior. It helps to soothe their mind too.

Well I guess now you have enough reasons to get a story book for your kids to give them something to cherish, something to treasure and something to learn so please buy one if not mine then any other author’s but gift them the right values by the right tales.

If you would like to know more about “reading with kids” please refer my article on Early Readers.