Why kids don’t like to share

Foster Feel

If I will say sharing is always difficult for kids, I am sure most of the parents will agree with me especially those whose kids are around 3.

Well no matter whether they want to play with that toy or not they won’t be ready to share it with anyone. No matter how many times you explain them; no matter how many times you punish (Time Out) them but when it comes to sharing they become stubborn!!! Sometimes parents wonder “why nothing is working?”

I know you are looking for the reason; you are looking for the solution but first thing I would like to mention is “This is the age, Accept it.”

Well this doesn’t mean you should leave them the way they are.  Otherwise they will never learn it. But before teaching anything to your kid you need to understand your kids’ view.

Why Kids don’t like to share:

Normally kids don’t know the concept of mine and yours till the age of 2 and that’s why kids younger than 2 can share the things easily unless they really want it. Kids learn the concept of mine by the age of 3. When they understand the concept of mine they try to protect that; they try to take care of that which is actually good thing. This is the way they learn how to take care of their things and surrounding people (family members).

But the thing is they know the concept of mine and yours, they know the concept of taking care of their own things and family members but they don’t know the concept of protecting and so they become possessive. I mean to say they know they should protect their things but they don’t know how. They feel if I will share, it will go away, it will break or it will be finished.

So basically at this age don’t teach them to share instead show them the ways to protect their things.

If you don’t believe just give them any of your things and ask them to take care of it just for couple of minutes and ask your friend or family member to touch the same thing and see the result. 90% kids of this age won’t allow anyone to touch the thing, not even their family members.

So now I guess you got the point. Don’t teach them to share teach them to protect.

How to motivate your kids to share:

Share to show: Show them how you enjoy sharing. Show them how do you take care of someone else thing and show them how do you get your things back from your friends once they are done.

For example I would like to tell my daughter “See today I got this new book from my friend. It’s really interesting. Once we will be done we need to return it so we must take care of it.”

Or if someone will return the thing I will say “wow she is so good see she cleaned grinder before returning it.”

Practical demonstration will always encourage kids to copy as we all know kids are just cute copycats. So drop the talk and show them the concept of sharing by intentionally sharing the things in front of them.

Play “Can we share”: I must say this is the best game on sharing. Point out the things which we can share in funny way. It’s a game called can we share? For example, parent will ask “can we share lunchbox?” and kids need to answer yes/no depends on their thinking.

If they are wrong, talk about the incident when you or your friend shared that thing. The best thing about this game is “you can include anything and everything like your bathroom, mat, food, water, clothes kitchen, accessories and all.” Don’t forget to include those things which we cannot share like water bottle and handkerchief.

Start with Exchange: Initially even if you explain, even if you demonstrate, they might not be ready to leave their things. This is really common as they know nothing happened to your things but they are still confused about the surety. Just the way we can’t leave our kids with anyone they can’t leave their things.

Exchanging the toys with friends can comfort them little more as they don’t just need to give but have something to get also.  Exchange toy is bit easier than give and go.

Books are Best: Read story books on sharing and sharing concept. Tell the story on things like sea saw, slide, sand play or even dining table which has no fun if you are alone.

Talk and explain when they are in good mood. Bedtimes are best.

Assure the security: It is perfectly okay if they don’t want to share something or with some friends. Support their decision and assure the security of their favorite things.

If you feel your kid is not ready to share her favorite doll with anyone that’s perfectly fine if she is ready to share rest of the things.

Few friends are really naughty and your kids know that they will break or spoil the things so it’s okay if they say no to them. Try to explain but don’t force.

Stop sharing if they don’t: Once you know your kids understand the concept of sharing or they want someone else thing but not ready to give their things try “No sharing with them”.

For example my daughter was fond of my hair; she always liked to take my hair for couple of minutes before going to bed. So I explained her “would you like if mama will not share her hair with you?”  If not then start sharing or else I too will not share my hair with you. Stick to the decision and don’t hesitate to implement it.

Don’t even think that they learned how to share means they will share always and with everyone. Sharing is depends on your kids’ mood and with whom s/he wants to share. Kids choose their sharing partner just like we choose people to trust. They share easily with friends and hesitate with new kids. Give them time and make the sharing easy.