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My husband was settling bill at the counter and I was sitting on a bench next to the exit door, really tired of shopping and thinking about check list what’s done and what’s remaining when an old lady smiled and took the seat next to me. She started conversation by “congratulations you are going to have a baby. That’s really great. You know I too have 4 kids and now one of my daughters also has a kid who is 2 years old. You know you look really pretty and ….” (I couldn’t hear rest) because a word pretty surprised me as I couldn’t sleep at nights due to pregnancy, tired of vomiting and lower abdominal pain and now had dark circles too and this lady was telling me pretty…..my mind was so disturb so I couldn’t react on anything and just whispered the word “pretty” and she smiled again and said “yes sweetie you are pretty you know sometimes pain comes for pleasure and this one is one of them. Right now you are tired frustrated due to pain and thinking of your body so you can’t see how pretty you are but when you will hold your baby for the first time and look into her eyes you will able to understand the real meaning of pretty and you will see yourself as a most beautiful mother in world.”

Well I listened to her carefully because I had nothing to do other than waiting for my husband and second is she was really speaking something that I wanted to hear about me. since long every one use to ask me how’s health looks weak etc. etc. and she was the first one telling me how pretty I am and how I will be……I couldn’t say much at that time other than “Thank you so much for your wise words.” We were done so I said bye and left the shop.

After that many times I checked myself in mirror and thought of the word pretty but didn’t get it correctly. Finally it was a day when I delivered my little one and when doc put her on my tummy for the first time her soft hands were touching my body and her sparkling eyes were searching something. The first sentence I spoke to myself was “Really pain comes for pleasure”  I was never been so happy so much satisfied and forgot about doctor who was still working on stitching and I thought yes that lady was talking about this happiness.  Now I wasn’t worried about my pain I wasn’t worried about my stretch marks and I wasn’t worried about anything in the whole world I was just in her and looking at her and looking at her……………….

Well with my experience I just want to say that your kid will help you to bring out your best and that best will be really incredible. You won’t believe but you will be more loving more caring more patient more responsible and more happy too. This may be your first or second or third trimester but would be mummy don’t ever think that you will not be so beautiful now on as now you can see how beautiful you are not only in your husband’s eyes but in the eyes of your baby for whom you will be the most beautiful and prettiest lady in whole world and that’s not wrong too after all beauty comes from heart not from body.

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When you say “It’s time for grocery get ready please…” and in 10 min your kid shouts “I am ready mummy” but when you look at him/her you see a total mismatch !!! Bottom and top doesn’t go with each other and you have to say let’s change the clothes first…you may think for a second how anyone can wear purple top on red bottom !!! but yes kids can all the kids can as they are kids “Colorful Kids”.

Here is Why kids love to wear mismatch :

• Kids love colors and so they want to put on as many colors as they can at once.

• Kids are carefree. They focus on their likes and dislikes as well as they don’t think about people who judge them by their clothes.

• For kids fashion is their comfort and happiness.

• Kids enjoy being themselves.

Allow kids to dress up the way they want:

Put all the tops together and all the bottoms together let them choose the pair. Yeah sometimes that looks odd but you can divide clothes for in house and outside. Give them choice to pick one from your selected 3 for outside /party clothes. Outside means something really important. For garden or shopping don’t force them to wear your choice of clothes. Let them decide by their own. Little freedom always helps kid to react responsibly. And if you think your kid doesn’t know right combination of pair then I will just say

• What you wear is not important if you are happy with that

• Mismatch too look cool

• Sometimes by looking at their clothes you will get idea for you to pair up

• Kids always looks sweet n cute doesn’t matter what they have put on or how messy they are.

• Let them be carefree this is not their age to think what people will think or to understand so called fashion ……..

So now tell me you still want to change their clothes!!!!! Well you may say sometimes clothes matters and we can’t allow them to wear anything after all we are a part of society. Then I will say yes but define that sometimes. What I mean to say is if you are really going to big party or place where you need to focus on clothes, for that select three clothes of your choice and tell them to choose one of them. I am sure they will listen to you if you will listen to them rest of the times.

Have a Colorful Summer  

• You are the BOSS: when and what your kids will watch should be defined by you only. Select couple of good programs and offer them to select any one or two from that. Check out the time table and offer TV during those selected programs only.  For the kids (ages 2 to 7) TV time limit is 1 or at max 2 hrs. Use of laptops, mobiles or any other video devises is a part of TV Time only.

• Switch off the TV during meal time:Let your kids enjoy and respect the food. Meal time is family time so help kids to know that TV is not a family member and a part of life it’s just a part of your house like any other furniture.

• TV means only TV no Parallel activity allowed:This will benefit you in two ways: 1. When you won’t allow them any other activity with TV they will pay full attention to the TV so if you are using TV as an educational resource it will fulfill your purpose. 2. Kids cannot pay full attention to one thing for longer time so they will leave it by themselves when they lose interest and thus you can control their TV Time.

• Co-viewing is encouraging:don’t allow watching TV alone. You should watch with them and try to explain initially what is that shows for and what are they showing. So you can direct their thinking in right direction. Let them be innocent don’t tell them all the reality.

• Conversation about shows: Don’t forget to talk about what they have watched and what are their views for that show so you can get idea about how that show affects their mind. if they misunderstood something correct it so they can get right idea.

• Don’t surf TV when kids are around:Go through the time table and fix the TV time. Don’t change the TV channel while watching TV with kids even during advertisement as kids can’t differentiate what is in show and what is out of the show. Tell them if it is advertise and switch off the TV when show finishes.

• Switch off TV when not in use:When no one is watching it is advisable to switch it off and cover it so your kids can not distract by TV and enjoy their play.

• No TV before sleep time:Before sleeping time kids need to be pampered. Colors and sounds of TV disturb their mind so they can’t sleep properly. Soft audio music is advisable if you really need something to sooth them.

• No TV as reward or punishment:  Reward or punishment gives importance to the thing. TV doesn’t deserve that much importance so if you will not show importance then kids will also take it as just a part of house.

How to select a show for your kids :

As I said you are the boss then this is your responsibility to offer them a good show. If you are thinking what goes in good shows then here are some of the constraints you should go through before selecting any program.

1. Is it suitable to your kid’s age?
2. Is it enjoyable?
3. Is it easy to understand?
4. What kind of language is used?
5. What your kid will learn from that show?

And always talk to your kids about the shows in free time so you will get the idea that you made a right choice for them or not.  If not its okay you can revise your research at any time as its not so tough to rewrite kids mind at this age.

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I would like to initiate my Kids and TV article with couple of real incident:

1. Recently we planned to visit a zoo with my little one.  As I am not an animal lover  I prepared myself and my mind for that and thought I will read all the notice boards inside the zoo so I can justify her questions about animals but to my surprise when we made it to the zoo it was reverse!!!! She was telling me everything like see mama this is flamingo its white, they eat leaves and when they grow they become pink, stand in one leg and many more about most of the animals and birds!!!!! She has more information than written on the boards…… and I asked her “how do you know that?” and she replied “cat in the hat and Diego mama, they know everything” and I remembered the TV shows, my husband offered her many times and he is responsible for her animal love. I wondered such a strong impact of TV!!!  TV shows are helpful to satisfy kid’s curiosity especially when it goes out of our interest.

2. Few days back I was seating on bench in our garden and watching my little one. As she was playing with swing n slide I was holding her all-time favorite doll. After sometimes a kid came ,he saw a doll in my hands and started hitting it (of course softly in pretend play) so I asked “What are you playing” and he replied” I am hitting bad men!!!”  So I smiled and said “ohh but who the bad men are? Have you ever seen them?” and he replied “yes, in Chota Bheem, Krishna …..And gave me a list of many more super hero series and added I too will become super hero and hit bad guys!!!!”  Well here I can see good and bad part. Good is these shows increased kid’s imagination but bad is no doubt in wrong direction……4 years old kids don’t need to know about bad guys and good guys and can you tell me how will they differentiate whether its good guy or bad?

Have many more experiences like these as I love to talk with kids and thus I came out with this article on TV. First of all I would like to talk about the myths (what actually parents believe) with truths (what actually the situation is) :

• With TV my kid can enjoy alone: well if you want them to enjoy alone that should be alone. Any talking things even musical toys are real person for them and that’s the reason kids experts don’t advise musical toys for kids. When DORA says “Tell me your best part from the show” your kids will definitely answer as they cannot understand that DORA is not real and won’t be able to listen them! So if you want to encourage stand-alone or a word is “independent play” then choose the right toys and a right way.

• While kids are watching TV I can finish my work: No one can be sure that what kids will understand from the shows, your instruction, and your behavior or from any surrounding environment but one thing is for sure that whatever they will understand they implement it. So giving TV while you are busy is not advisable as you can’t monitor their shows it is okay if you scanned it couple of times and agreed to allow it but still co-viewing is advisable. If you really have something to do once in a while that’s fine but TV should not be the reason to engage your attention seeker.

• With TV I can distract kids and feed them properly even the dishes they don’t like: This is totally wrong. Yes of course you may finish entire plate but you know while watching TV they don’t even realize what are they eating and even how much they are eating? Now who will decide how much they should eat? You? Well it’s their stomach how can you say how much is enough do you eat same quantity every day? Then how can you expect that from your kids? It depends on their hunger as well as on their taste and it has to.  Let them have idea about what to eat what is healthy why to eat as well as how to respect the food and if you will feed them with TV can you say they will learn this any ways???

• TV can be reliever for crankiness: Would you like to stay with TV if you are in pain or feeling lonely or need someone? Don’t you seek for a person more than a TV when you are not in good mood?  Everyone can have mood swing and so the kids but that doesn’t mean you should leave them in front of TV. It is better to be with them when they are cranky as they need you not TV or toys. Most peaceful thing in the world is love & attention. Just shower your love and everything will be fine.

• From TV we can teach them new things: Well not denying but only if they are watching good kids programs. And for that you have to know what are the kids programs and what are they showing and what are they learning from that. Kids don’t know what is for them and what is not so you have to scan the age appropriated programs and enjoy with them.

Now tell me you really want to offer them TV????? Well yes/no but we all have to agree that TV is now a part of our houses and any how they will get it sooner or later. Best we can do is making it as later as possible. But what when we have to give them TV??? What to allow and what not to allow? When to allow and how much we can allow? How can we choose what to watch and how can we encourage/restrict them to watch that only. I will say there is just one answer for all your questions and that is set the TV rules just like your house rules. Try to follow it and encourage your kids to follow it. 

Read more about TV Rules & Guidelines 

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You switch off the alarm and look at the clock Its 7:00 AM , Couldn’t wake up on first alarm now it’s 7:30 your kids have to leave for school and so many things to do like wake them up, give them milk and breakfast, make their lunch box, pack the school bag  and the most important is make them ready with brush bath clothes n shoes. oops lots of things to do and kids won’t understand it and will argue as usual like I don’t want to wear this clothes and not this shoes, want to play first then only I will go for bath, I want this in my breakfast and why this for lunchbox and many more………….you want to cut all this so you might say “please today no argument and just hurry up we are late!!!!!!”

Do you think it will help you??? Well I don’t think so as kids doesn’t have a word “Hurry Up” in their dictionary they might heard of it a lot from you but can’t response accordingly and you might think this boy/girl won’t listen to me any time!!!! Frustrated right? But that’s neither their fault nor yours. You might say I just want little cooperation when I am late is it too much? No, Not really but the way you prefer to do so that is not realistic as they are kids only.

Here are reasons why you should not say “Hurry UP”:

• When you say “Hurry Up” their ears can listen it, their mind will start thinking what it is and body will ask what to do for hurry up finally a big confusion in their mind and they will be busy understanding and manipulating the word hurry up and result even slower than routine!!!

• Kids at the age of 1-7 don’t have exact idea of time concept they might understand 8 AM is school time and 7 AMis wake up time but don’t have idea about what goes between 7 to 8 that means they don’t really know how much time they get to get ready normally and late means how much time they will get now/today?

• They can’t understand that if we will not do something we can save the time so they won’t be ready to skip or omit any task. why can’t they take bath today is out of their mind and when you say no bath today their mind will start thinking so can’t focus on your words or follow your instructions.
  

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More you will say “Hurry up” more it will affect negatively as their body and mind will not able to tune up due to your impatience So what to do? Leave it and be late? Of course not just follow the 5 steps:

1. Keep calm: First thing you need to do is say yourself it’s okay to be late relax take a deep breath take a min and think what are the things in priority and what are the things really necessary to do and then here you go……

2.   Speed up your task: You just need to do your task speedy like give bath in 5 min in place of 10 min but let them play for 5 min as always In this case they won’t even feel that there is a change.

3. Distract with fun: Tell them story of two monkeys and feed them two bananas for breakfast tell the story of ginger bread and pack their lunch box with bread sing rhyme of 1 2 3 and make their selection of clothes on the hand on 3. What you need to do is take the decision and encourage them to follow with some fun. In simple word manipulate their thinking the way you want them to react.

4. My turn to help you: Kids like when you help them occasionally but if you will say you are late let me do this then no…….no way.  When you say let me help you that mean they can’t do it properly but when you say today is my turn to help you as yesterday you helped me a lot then they will feel proud and let you do the things you want. So make them wear shoes or comb their hair (the things which normally done by themselves) by simply saying the wise words.

5. Include Family Members: Taking help is perfectly okay especially when it comes to family. In fact when you will ask your husband or mother in law to do something and they will do that, that really leaves a good image on your kid and help them to understand the value of family.

Precaution is always better than cures:

•  Add False Time: Make schedule the way so they can get 15 min more than they required normally. So if you are late then also actually it’s not too late it’s just like you will not get 15 min extra.

• Minimize Morning Chores:Minimize your morning to do list by pre preparation like pack their school bag before going to bed, ask them to select clothes, what goes in lunch box and breakfast etc. before they go to sleep.

My friend (who is also a mother of a pre-schooler) visited me once and while having coffee she mentioned “I am really surprised to see your neat and tidy house. How do you manage it with kid? Doesn’t she play with or spoil the things?” I answered “of course we do. She rides bicycle inside the house, plays dress up in hall,  plays with sand in gallery and sometimes with water too. But when we are done I have most harmonious and reliable helping hands that knows how to enjoy even house hold chores and inspire me to clean up all these small things with fun.” She wondered helping hands!!  I explained yes my 4 year old helps me in cleaning not only with mess she did but in my house hold chores too. Surprising shocking or astonishing but I will say that’s the way kids are!!!! It’s not special in my daughter actually all kids ages 1-7 years enjoy to do small house hold chores which individually don’t take much effort and time but together will be big relaxation for you. There are many small things to do that actually take 40% of your entire day but these helping hands can make it in 10% if you know how to utilize them. 

If you are parents who think this is their age to play not to do all these chores then here are some reasons why you should offer them to help you:

Proud: Normally people treat kids as they can’t do anything which is definitely not true and they too know this truth. When you ask for help they feel that they too can do something real and they are needed that makes them proud and add confidence.

Part of family: When they do something useful for you and you appreciate it they feel that they are getting enough attention and they too are equally important part of the family.

 Increase Empathy: Family is where life begins and love never ends…..and this they will understand with the loving caring sharing and helping environment of in house. The feeling of “We are one” builds empathetic kid.

Teach them cleanliness and hygiene: all parents want their kids clean and healthy and all these house hold chores are just a part of how to make your place clean so they will get practical approach and idea of importance of cleanliness and hygiene not only of their body but of the surrounded environment too.

Improvement in skills: To fulfill these house hold chores they need to use their body parts like hands fingers legs and so it will improve gross as well as fine motor skills of kids as well as extend their memory and instruction grasping power.

It’s just a play: For kids everything is just a part of play if they are ready to do the things that means they are enjoying it and any how you are going to ask for help only you are not going to force them that you have to do this or why didn’t you do this so they are free to decide whatever they want.

Here are few house hold chores where your kids can help you:

1.   Clean up: Well I will not say kids like to do clean up but if you will say you need help then they feel powerful and will try their best to help you. When it’s time to clean up just simply divide the things for example if s/he had played with sand play, you should say you put stones and creatures in the box and I will take care of sand. If its water you say I will put the water toys back would you please empty water. If its room you should say I will take care of bookshelf you put your toys back, I will take care of art kit you put table n chair back. It’s only about the right directions you just need to find the interesting part of the clean up and ask them to do that.
2. Laundry: the most boring work for grownups and most loving activity for little masters. They can separate clothes from the basket; put it in washing m/c and you just need to start it!!! They can dry and fold all the small clothes and you need to deal with big ones only and that decreases half of time.
3. Vessels: Arrange your kitchen in a way that they can reach up most of the necessary vessels and get whenever they want or you ask for help. As all kids love to play with kitchenware you can ask them to empty your dishwasher and see how enthusiastically they accomplish it.
4.   Set the table: Before meals ask them to help you to arrange table they can set the plates and you get food. After meals ask help for cleanup. You clean up the kitchen and till that time s/he can cleans up table.
5.   Watering plants: showering water to plant is the most interesting activity for kids and so you show it couple of times and leave it on them and trust me they will do that same time same way without any single miss.

When you are done with the work with their help don’t forget to reward them by singing and dancing on a song “we did it we did it…..” from Dora Or find your special way to celebrate it.

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• Make a Chart: you and your kid together make chart (rough picture of things to do with sequence number) of what to do next and hang it in kid’s room or in a room where your kid spends a lot of time. If your child is younger than a year you can make it for your kid. When chart is visible to them most of the times they can able to understand what comes next and when there is a time to do the things ask them now “which chart we will follow?” Making chart is beneficial in two ways: first Pictorial presentation makes things easy to understand and second it will increase creativity.
• Prepare for Transition: At the start you need to make them ready to follow the chart and so you need to give some pre idea about the next coming event like “in 10 min we will take bath”. Be little flexible but set the timer and tell them when timer rings you need to come by yourself and once timer rings never ever compromise.
• Little Flexible : when undesirable changes occurs you should give them idea like today you took a little more time in dinner so I can’t read a story for you but you promise tomorrow you will finish it on time so I can read two stories instead.
• Need Consistency & Limits: Consistency is always a key here. Once you miss and they will take you for granted.  So for all the miss give them perfect idea (in straight and simple words)of why and try to follow as much as you can. Set the schedule that you can follow.
• Encourage By Small Rewards: Initially for every success give them a star or sticker and tell them when you will win 10/20 stars we will go to zoo (A Place of your kid’s choice) and see how enthusiastically they follow it!!!
• 10-12 hrs. Sleep Pattern: make a chart in a way so your kid can get at least 10-12 hrs. continuous night sleep as most of the kids skip nap time by the age of 2 or 3. Continuous sleep helps your kid’s mind and body to relax and rejoice for a new day.
• Include Soothing Time: when you make chart of to do things don’t forget to include hug time or cuddle time to show your love towards your kid after all for kids love is the only thing to achieve.

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Well it seems hard to start but actually it’s tough for couple of weeks only and will reassure you till 5-7 yrs. The first word I understood as a mother was “have patience” and to be patient for couple of weeks is always preferable to raise a fresh healthy child.

Here is a Preferable Routine for your Pre-Schooler: 

By 8:00 your kid has to fall asleep so he/she can be ready to start a new fresh day.

Here is a Preferable Routine for your Toddler: 

Most of the toddlers take 1 or 2 nap ( of less than 2 hrs.) during a day and need 12 hrs. continuous sleep at night.