Last Sunday when we went for shopping I saw a 3 years old boy, requesting for a toy to her mother. His mother said “you already have many cars” and refused to buy that toy. Result weeping, crying and sadness. At the end his mother brought a car for him!!!
Common shopping scene when we shop with kids. Whenever we go for shopping, kids try to touch all the things, demand for many things and misplace few things. Yes I agree this is really common behavior but do you really think parents can’t control this? I will say no we can, we can if we want. We can if we are sure what do we want. We can if we know what is right and what is wrong.
I am sure just like me you too want to avoid this behavior and for that here I am sharing the steps I prefer to follow:
Step 1 – Pre-Idea: Before going to anywhere just give the idea of where are you going and why. For example, if we are going to mall for grocery shopping I will update my daughter with “today we are going for grocery shopping so you can choose any one fruit of your choice and you can help me in vegetables too.”
Step 2 – Set the shopping rule: Set the shopping rules and frequently explain it to your kid. For example, in my house I made a rule “going to buy gifts means only gifts no shopping will be done for me or my daughter.” And for that I will definitely give her pre-idea like “this is the time to get gifts you can help me with your suggestion but we can’t buy anything for you today.’
Step 3 – Praise for positivity: Don’t forget to admire even a smallest co-operation offered by your child. For example if my daughter will say “mom I like this too much. Will you please buy this one for me next time?” Then I will praise her with “I really like that you liked it and still you are ready to wait for that. I am really proud of you.”
Step 4 – Accept the situation: Even after pre-idea and rules, if your kid asks for the thing, first thing to do is accepting the situation. Stay calm, think twice and state your decision.
Step 5 – Say No with confidence: If you don’t want to buy the thing because of any reason tell them no, simply no. for example, I prefer to say “oh yes that’s really good that you like it but not for this time.”
It is perfectly okay if they are sad. It’s their right to show right emotions. This is the way they will learn to deal with their emotions and feelings.
Step 6 – Be clear and brief: If reason is simple like they already have that kind of toy then you can simplify it in 1 or 2 sentences but don’t try to explain in detail. For example I prefer to say we cannot buy the things we have. Be straight and be clear.
Step 7 – Never change your mind: No means no. Never change your decision based on your mood. If Take the decision based on your pre-idea and shopping rules. Don’t buy anything on that day doesn’t matter how much you like or how much your kid insists for the thing.
If you feel the thing your kid asked is really worth enough and s/he deserve it then buy it on very next day but not on that day. Reason is simple, they should understand the meaning of no. If you will change your mind depends on things and situations, they will get confused with your uncertainty and will try to change your decision. Be consistent. On the spot decisions are always inappropriate if you are trying to teach them discipline and manner.
Step 8 – Show Empathy: If your negative answer made your kid sad, show your love and empathy by your words and touch. Explain your kid that you understand his/her feelings and give direction to show that feelings in right way.
Step 9 – State Strict Rule: Still if your kid continues crying throwing screaming or hitting, warn your kid with “I understand you are sad but that doesn’t mean you should throw the things. Stop throwing or else I have to punish you.” Use 123 magic and don’t hesitate to give small punishment or put on timer.
You have to make them understand that this is not the way to show emotions. Help them to understand feeling sad or getting angry doesn’t mean throwing the things or hitting anyone.
Step 10 – Introduce leave n live: Still if your kid is showing fuss, take him/her out of shop and go to home/car. Tell your kid strictly if s/he will behave like this you won’t be able to continue your shopping. Demonstrate that by leaving your kid with caretaker for emergency shopping. Explain your kid that if s/he won’t behave well while shopping then even though you want you can’t take your kid with you.
know your kid with my previous article kids scream troubles and solutions-1
I’m still learning from you, but I’m improving myself. I absolutely love reading all that is written on your site.Keep the aarticles coming. I enjoyed it!