When I declared, my next topic is Kids Scream troubles and solutions, I got many acknowledgements by mail message comment or even on whatsapp and most of them are “awaiting”. Well nothing surprising as I know not a single parent will say I have never dealt with my kid’s screams. It’s like storm rage on and we don’t know why and how to stop it.  Having kids is a big responsibility and to understand them is really big task as they don’t have enough word power to express their feelings. Many times our kids scream and we don’t know why and as we don’t know why we are helpless. But the common mistake we all do is “losing our temper when our kids scream or show tantrums. Rather to calm them down we too get upset and raise our voice which encourage them to scream”.

Let’s first discuss when kids Shout or Scream:   

• When they are Hungry, Tired or Bored: If hungry feed them if tired help them to relax and if bored engage them with some activity.

• When they are Hyper: I heard from many parents that their kids don’t go to sleep by 9 and when I suggest them  to put them on bed by 8 or late by 9 , couple of parents says no way 9 is even a time when she/he can play at her/his most !!!! Well I will just say at most because they are hyper. Just like grown-ups can’t sleep when over tired, kids can’t sleep easily once their sleeping time is over.

• When they are Excited: When kids are very happy, very excited they feel comfortable to show their feeling with scream as when they were not able to speak they use to scream (smaller in frequency) to express their feelings and you appreciated that. Well this is not at all bad but if it bothers you show them your ways to say “I Am Happy”. ( Mine is : I will say “wow it seems you are really happy with high five and some dance steps”).

• When they are full of Energy: Sometimes kids are full of energy and they don’t know how and where to use it and result they scream. Well screaming also helps to reduce energy but that’s not the right way so in this case we just need to show them right way to spend some energy like play with ball or jump or any other games which need physical exercise.

• When they seek for Attention:As screaming is loud you will notice them (may be in anger but you will notice it for sure). Kids know this very well so when they feel since long you didn’t notice them they scream. In this case just ignore them or acknowledge them by words like I know you want mummy but I need to finish this. Wait for some time and we two will play.

• When they can’t Express: Sometimes kids can’t express their feeling in words as they are still learning it. When they can’t find proper words to express they scream. So help them to understand their feelings by name. Talk about your feelings by name like I am tired as I couldn’t sleep properly today or I am happy as I got a new dress and they will learn from that slowly but surely.

• When they want to test their limit: When kids learn something new they want to try it. Scream is physical power gain so they like to test it like how loud they can scream and how effective it is. This will stop automatically once they will know how good they are in scream.

How to stop kids screaming:

Now you know why kids scream and how to stop them in above situations but what if you are outside and can’t do the things which you use to do at home. Of course you would like to say “will you please lower your voice” or “No screaming please” but trust me it won’t work for you neither worked for me. They are not going to listen that because 1. They got your attention so their motive is successfully accomplished. 2. They don’t know now what to do. 3. They feel now if they will stop again they might lose your attention. 4. They are guilty but can’t attempt it as they don’t know how to do that. Then what?  Here are some temporary (to stop them on the spot) and permanent (To teach them why not to scream) solutions:

Temporary solutions:

Keep them Busy:  This is the simplest and most comfortable solution for all the kids ages 6 months to 6 years.

1. Best thing is to be ready with their stuff. Give them toy to play or colors and paper or empty boxes or lids. Don’t mix up this stuff with your home toys so they will find it new and enjoy it.
2. Give them something to eat by themselves.
3. If your kid is older than 2 yrs tell them to help you in shopping. They can hold the cart for you. You select the things and give them to put into cart or tell them to select vegetables or fruits and you hold the bags for them at that time.

Divert them:

By Rhymes or songs: For younger kids this is one of the best solutions. You just start the rhymes and see how they will be busy singing all the rhymes and songs

By Games : You can divert them by games like roar like a lion, simon says, count the colors, riddle game, I spy, cross and right and many more.  But for this the necessary condition is you must have been played it at home. Direct implementation may work for you may not as they don’t know the game. If they will find it interesting they will stop screaming and start playing.

• Roar like a lion: In this game you should teach your kids animal’s sounds and how loud they can speak. Like mouse says squeak squeak slowly, cat little bit higher in sound meow, dog little bit more higher woof woof, monkey with jumps hoop hoop and lion roar loudest. And ask I am cat meow who you are? And when any one says lion every one including lion has to be quite as lion can eat us so we need to hide from lion. Simple but interesting. And best thing is most of the times works even at first time.
• Simon says: This is a game in which they should do whatever simon says like touch your nose touch your toes and when you say I say quite they will be quite then you say I said that not simon you can scream and I am sure they won’t scream but laugh and just laugh.
• Count the colors: In this game tell your kids to find out your color like if you say yellow they need to count all the yellow things. If your kids are enough old you can ask to find biggest yellow thing or smallest one.
• Riddle game: If your kid is older than 4 years you can ask riddle. Give hint if they need and let them find the answer.  Take a turn and enjoy the game. Riddle can be about fruits vegetables or things they know.
• I Spy: This is most interesting game and good for all the ages. You can spy for colors, shapes, things, nos , letters and many more. You just need to ask them I spy for Circle and they will be busy finding circles for you.
• Cross and Right: This game is to teach your kids right and wrong. A perfect way to teach discipline. In this game you should ask any thing any situation and your kids have to answer is it right or wrong but not only with word, they have to use their hands to make cross and right. For ex: We should not greet the person we know and they will answer cross , ask couple of questions like that and then slowly ask Screaming while shopping or screaming in restaurant and when they reply with cross, just look at them with smile and say but you did!!! This will affect them for long time and slowly they will know they should not scream.

Reassure them:

• Show Empathy: Try to help your kid to calm down with your gentle touch and polite words. Express your love. Tell them that everyone can make mistakes or I know you don’t mean all these or its okay to scream sometimes but not always.
• Acknowledge your Kid: Acknowledge your kid’s feelings by your wise words like I know you want that doll but today we are not here to buy a doll. When we will come to buy a doll we will get it for you. This will let them know that you understand them.
• Name feelings: Help them to Name their feelings by words like I know you are very tired but this won’t take much time just 3 more things and we are done. Or I know you are hungry and you know me too. Kitty is screaming in my tummy who is in your tummy? Or say I know you are sad as I didn’t get that for you but we cannot have everything see I too like that cake but we didn’t buy it. When we wait, we get best.
• By Urge: Help them understand by your urge like “I don’t understand what do you want to say can you please lower your voice and use your words.” Or “I am having terrible headache as we screamed a lot today now it’s time to take care of mummy.”

1 2 3 Magic: When nothing works you have to be little harsh to your kid. Either leave the place and tell them as you screams a lot we have to go back to home or treat them with 1 2 3 magic. It’s a kind of warning that if she won’t stop now, she will get time out.

Bit tough but always works. Start with home. When you are at home and your kids scream tell them once in a simple straight line “no screaming please” and if they don’t stop say it again and then tell them I told you twice but you didn’t listen to me so now I am counting 3 if you will not stop till that I will put you on timer and start counting with your fingers so they can see your fingers. And if they don’t stop don’t hesitate to put the timer. For this select a safe place in your house or outside where they can stand or seat for couple of mins. Must not be scary and don’t leave them there alone.Timer means for that much time they won’t get you….for kids you mean everything they love you a lot and that’s why when you say to stay away from you they feel bad and that’s the reason that is best thing to do for timer. Start the timer on and when timer rings hug them and calm them down. May be for couple of times they will cry even more but trust me in a week they will stop even on your first finger. Time for timer depends on kids age. This is for above 2 years old kids and for 2 yrs old kids time should be 2 mins , for 3 yr it should be 3 mins and so on. 

Options:

• Choose noisy/loud place and give them freedom to express:  If you know your kid is fond of noise and never gone be quite don’t go to so much sophisticated place. Choose little noisy environment so your kid can feel free there and enjoy too and you too need not to think of people.
• Ignore people you are not alone: Well if there is no other option let them scream. Don’t give much attention and don’t care about people, after all parents will always understand this as I said not a single parent can say I didn’t deal with this. Just say yourself “you are not alone” and calm down. Start showing empathy to the parents who suffers this by your words like “I do understand”, “It’s perfectly okay, trust me I have seen even worst”. It will be biggest relief for the parents and you never know some one will come to you to tell you the same.

For Permanent solutions : Stay tuned for next Article.

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My husband was settling bill at the counter and I was sitting on a bench next to the exit door, really tired of shopping and thinking about check list what’s done and what’s remaining when an old lady smiled and took the seat next to me. She started conversation by “congratulations you are going to have a baby. That’s really great. You know I too have 4 kids and now one of my daughters also has a kid who is 2 years old. You know you look really pretty and ….” (I couldn’t hear rest) because a word pretty surprised me as I couldn’t sleep at nights due to pregnancy, tired of vomiting and lower abdominal pain and now had dark circles too and this lady was telling me pretty…..my mind was so disturb so I couldn’t react on anything and just whispered the word “pretty” and she smiled again and said “yes sweetie you are pretty you know sometimes pain comes for pleasure and this one is one of them. Right now you are tired frustrated due to pain and thinking of your body so you can’t see how pretty you are but when you will hold your baby for the first time and look into her eyes you will able to understand the real meaning of pretty and you will see yourself as a most beautiful mother in world.”

Well I listened to her carefully because I had nothing to do other than waiting for my husband and second is she was really speaking something that I wanted to hear about me. since long every one use to ask me how’s health looks weak etc. etc. and she was the first one telling me how pretty I am and how I will be……I couldn’t say much at that time other than “Thank you so much for your wise words.” We were done so I said bye and left the shop.

After that many times I checked myself in mirror and thought of the word pretty but didn’t get it correctly. Finally it was a day when I delivered my little one and when doc put her on my tummy for the first time her soft hands were touching my body and her sparkling eyes were searching something. The first sentence I spoke to myself was “Really pain comes for pleasure”  I was never been so happy so much satisfied and forgot about doctor who was still working on stitching and I thought yes that lady was talking about this happiness.  Now I wasn’t worried about my pain I wasn’t worried about my stretch marks and I wasn’t worried about anything in the whole world I was just in her and looking at her and looking at her……………….

Well with my experience I just want to say that your kid will help you to bring out your best and that best will be really incredible. You won’t believe but you will be more loving more caring more patient more responsible and more happy too. This may be your first or second or third trimester but would be mummy don’t ever think that you will not be so beautiful now on as now you can see how beautiful you are not only in your husband’s eyes but in the eyes of your baby for whom you will be the most beautiful and prettiest lady in whole world and that’s not wrong too after all beauty comes from heart not from body.

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When you say “It’s time for grocery get ready please…” and in 10 min your kid shouts “I am ready mummy” but when you look at him/her you see a total mismatch !!! Bottom and top doesn’t go with each other and you have to say let’s change the clothes first…you may think for a second how anyone can wear purple top on red bottom !!! but yes kids can all the kids can as they are kids “Colorful Kids”.

Here is Why kids love to wear mismatch :

• Kids love colors and so they want to put on as many colors as they can at once.

• Kids are carefree. They focus on their likes and dislikes as well as they don’t think about people who judge them by their clothes.

• For kids fashion is their comfort and happiness.

• Kids enjoy being themselves.

Allow kids to dress up the way they want:

Put all the tops together and all the bottoms together let them choose the pair. Yeah sometimes that looks odd but you can divide clothes for in house and outside. Give them choice to pick one from your selected 3 for outside /party clothes. Outside means something really important. For garden or shopping don’t force them to wear your choice of clothes. Let them decide by their own. Little freedom always helps kid to react responsibly. And if you think your kid doesn’t know right combination of pair then I will just say

• What you wear is not important if you are happy with that

• Mismatch too look cool

• Sometimes by looking at their clothes you will get idea for you to pair up

• Kids always looks sweet n cute doesn’t matter what they have put on or how messy they are.

• Let them be carefree this is not their age to think what people will think or to understand so called fashion ……..

So now tell me you still want to change their clothes!!!!! Well you may say sometimes clothes matters and we can’t allow them to wear anything after all we are a part of society. Then I will say yes but define that sometimes. What I mean to say is if you are really going to big party or place where you need to focus on clothes, for that select three clothes of your choice and tell them to choose one of them. I am sure they will listen to you if you will listen to them rest of the times.

Have a Colorful Summer  

• You are the BOSS: when and what your kids will watch should be defined by you only. Select couple of good programs and offer them to select any one or two from that. Check out the time table and offer TV during those selected programs only.  For the kids (ages 2 to 7) TV time limit is 1 or at max 2 hrs. Use of laptops, mobiles or any other video devises is a part of TV Time only.

• Switch off the TV during meal time:Let your kids enjoy and respect the food. Meal time is family time so help kids to know that TV is not a family member and a part of life it’s just a part of your house like any other furniture.

• TV means only TV no Parallel activity allowed:This will benefit you in two ways: 1. When you won’t allow them any other activity with TV they will pay full attention to the TV so if you are using TV as an educational resource it will fulfill your purpose. 2. Kids cannot pay full attention to one thing for longer time so they will leave it by themselves when they lose interest and thus you can control their TV Time.

• Co-viewing is encouraging:don’t allow watching TV alone. You should watch with them and try to explain initially what is that shows for and what are they showing. So you can direct their thinking in right direction. Let them be innocent don’t tell them all the reality.

• Conversation about shows: Don’t forget to talk about what they have watched and what are their views for that show so you can get idea about how that show affects their mind. if they misunderstood something correct it so they can get right idea.

• Don’t surf TV when kids are around:Go through the time table and fix the TV time. Don’t change the TV channel while watching TV with kids even during advertisement as kids can’t differentiate what is in show and what is out of the show. Tell them if it is advertise and switch off the TV when show finishes.

• Switch off TV when not in use:When no one is watching it is advisable to switch it off and cover it so your kids can not distract by TV and enjoy their play.

• No TV before sleep time:Before sleeping time kids need to be pampered. Colors and sounds of TV disturb their mind so they can’t sleep properly. Soft audio music is advisable if you really need something to sooth them.

• No TV as reward or punishment:  Reward or punishment gives importance to the thing. TV doesn’t deserve that much importance so if you will not show importance then kids will also take it as just a part of house.

How to select a show for your kids :

As I said you are the boss then this is your responsibility to offer them a good show. If you are thinking what goes in good shows then here are some of the constraints you should go through before selecting any program.

1. Is it suitable to your kid’s age?
2. Is it enjoyable?
3. Is it easy to understand?
4. What kind of language is used?
5. What your kid will learn from that show?

And always talk to your kids about the shows in free time so you will get the idea that you made a right choice for them or not.  If not its okay you can revise your research at any time as its not so tough to rewrite kids mind at this age.

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I would like to initiate my Kids and TV article with couple of real incident:

1. Recently we planned to visit a zoo with my little one.  As I am not an animal lover  I prepared myself and my mind for that and thought I will read all the notice boards inside the zoo so I can justify her questions about animals but to my surprise when we made it to the zoo it was reverse!!!! She was telling me everything like see mama this is flamingo its white, they eat leaves and when they grow they become pink, stand in one leg and many more about most of the animals and birds!!!!! She has more information than written on the boards…… and I asked her “how do you know that?” and she replied “cat in the hat and Diego mama, they know everything” and I remembered the TV shows, my husband offered her many times and he is responsible for her animal love. I wondered such a strong impact of TV!!!  TV shows are helpful to satisfy kid’s curiosity especially when it goes out of our interest.

2. Few days back I was seating on bench in our garden and watching my little one. As she was playing with swing n slide I was holding her all-time favorite doll. After sometimes a kid came ,he saw a doll in my hands and started hitting it (of course softly in pretend play) so I asked “What are you playing” and he replied” I am hitting bad men!!!”  So I smiled and said “ohh but who the bad men are? Have you ever seen them?” and he replied “yes, in Chota Bheem, Krishna …..And gave me a list of many more super hero series and added I too will become super hero and hit bad guys!!!!”  Well here I can see good and bad part. Good is these shows increased kid’s imagination but bad is no doubt in wrong direction……4 years old kids don’t need to know about bad guys and good guys and can you tell me how will they differentiate whether its good guy or bad?

Have many more experiences like these as I love to talk with kids and thus I came out with this article on TV. First of all I would like to talk about the myths (what actually parents believe) with truths (what actually the situation is) :

• With TV my kid can enjoy alone: well if you want them to enjoy alone that should be alone. Any talking things even musical toys are real person for them and that’s the reason kids experts don’t advise musical toys for kids. When DORA says “Tell me your best part from the show” your kids will definitely answer as they cannot understand that DORA is not real and won’t be able to listen them! So if you want to encourage stand-alone or a word is “independent play” then choose the right toys and a right way.

• While kids are watching TV I can finish my work: No one can be sure that what kids will understand from the shows, your instruction, and your behavior or from any surrounding environment but one thing is for sure that whatever they will understand they implement it. So giving TV while you are busy is not advisable as you can’t monitor their shows it is okay if you scanned it couple of times and agreed to allow it but still co-viewing is advisable. If you really have something to do once in a while that’s fine but TV should not be the reason to engage your attention seeker.

• With TV I can distract kids and feed them properly even the dishes they don’t like: This is totally wrong. Yes of course you may finish entire plate but you know while watching TV they don’t even realize what are they eating and even how much they are eating? Now who will decide how much they should eat? You? Well it’s their stomach how can you say how much is enough do you eat same quantity every day? Then how can you expect that from your kids? It depends on their hunger as well as on their taste and it has to.  Let them have idea about what to eat what is healthy why to eat as well as how to respect the food and if you will feed them with TV can you say they will learn this any ways???

• TV can be reliever for crankiness: Would you like to stay with TV if you are in pain or feeling lonely or need someone? Don’t you seek for a person more than a TV when you are not in good mood?  Everyone can have mood swing and so the kids but that doesn’t mean you should leave them in front of TV. It is better to be with them when they are cranky as they need you not TV or toys. Most peaceful thing in the world is love & attention. Just shower your love and everything will be fine.

• From TV we can teach them new things: Well not denying but only if they are watching good kids programs. And for that you have to know what are the kids programs and what are they showing and what are they learning from that. Kids don’t know what is for them and what is not so you have to scan the age appropriated programs and enjoy with them.

Now tell me you really want to offer them TV????? Well yes/no but we all have to agree that TV is now a part of our houses and any how they will get it sooner or later. Best we can do is making it as later as possible. But what when we have to give them TV??? What to allow and what not to allow? When to allow and how much we can allow? How can we choose what to watch and how can we encourage/restrict them to watch that only. I will say there is just one answer for all your questions and that is set the TV rules just like your house rules. Try to follow it and encourage your kids to follow it. 

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