Kids Scream troubles and solutions #1

When I declared, my next topic is Kids Scream troubles and solutions, I got many acknowledgements by mail message comment or even on whatsapp and most of them are “awaiting”. Well nothing surprising as I know not a single parent will say I have never dealt with my kid’s screams. It’s like storm rage on and we don’t know why and how to stop it.  Having kids is a big responsibility and to understand them is really big task as they don’t have enough word power to express their feelings. Many times our kids scream and we don’t know why and as we don’t know why we are helpless. But the common mistake we all do is “losing our temper when our kids scream or show tantrums. Rather to calm them down we too get upset and raise our voice which encourage them to scream”.

Let’s first discuss when kids Shout or Scream:   

• When they are Hungry, Tired or Bored: If hungry feed them if tired help them to relax and if bored engage them with some activity.

• When they are Hyper: I heard from many parents that their kids don’t go to sleep by 9 and when I suggest them  to put them on bed by 8 or late by 9 , couple of parents says no way 9 is even a time when she/he can play at her/his most !!!! Well I will just say at most because they are hyper. Just like grown-ups can’t sleep when over tired, kids can’t sleep easily once their sleeping time is over.

• When they are Excited: When kids are very happy, very excited they feel comfortable to show their feeling with scream as when they were not able to speak they use to scream (smaller in frequency) to express their feelings and you appreciated that. Well this is not at all bad but if it bothers you show them your ways to say “I Am Happy”. ( Mine is : I will say “wow it seems you are really happy with high five and some dance steps”).

• When they are full of Energy: Sometimes kids are full of energy and they don’t know how and where to use it and result they scream. Well screaming also helps to reduce energy but that’s not the right way so in this case we just need to show them right way to spend some energy like play with ball or jump or any other games which need physical exercise.

• When they seek for Attention:As screaming is loud you will notice them (may be in anger but you will notice it for sure). Kids know this very well so when they feel since long you didn’t notice them they scream. In this case just ignore them or acknowledge them by words like I know you want mummy but I need to finish this. Wait for some time and we two will play.

• When they can’t Express: Sometimes kids can’t express their feeling in words as they are still learning it. When they can’t find proper words to express they scream. So help them to understand their feelings by name. Talk about your feelings by name like I am tired as I couldn’t sleep properly today or I am happy as I got a new dress and they will learn from that slowly but surely.

• When they want to test their limit: When kids learn something new they want to try it. Scream is physical power gain so they like to test it like how loud they can scream and how effective it is. This will stop automatically once they will know how good they are in scream.

How to stop kids screaming:

Now you know why kids scream and how to stop them in above situations but what if you are outside and can’t do the things which you use to do at home. Of course you would like to say “will you please lower your voice” or “No screaming please” but trust me it won’t work for you neither worked for me. They are not going to listen that because 1. They got your attention so their motive is successfully accomplished. 2. They don’t know now what to do. 3. They feel now if they will stop again they might lose your attention. 4. They are guilty but can’t attempt it as they don’t know how to do that. Then what?  Here are some temporary (to stop them on the spot) and permanent (To teach them why not to scream) solutions:

Temporary solutions:

Keep them Busy:  This is the simplest and most comfortable solution for all the kids ages 6 months to 6 years.

1. Best thing is to be ready with their stuff. Give them toy to play or colors and paper or empty boxes or lids. Don’t mix up this stuff with your home toys so they will find it new and enjoy it.
2. Give them something to eat by themselves.
3. If your kid is older than 2 yrs tell them to help you in shopping. They can hold the cart for you. You select the things and give them to put into cart or tell them to select vegetables or fruits and you hold the bags for them at that time.

Divert them:

By Rhymes or songs: For younger kids this is one of the best solutions. You just start the rhymes and see how they will be busy singing all the rhymes and songs

By Games : You can divert them by games like roar like a lion, simon says, count the colors, riddle game, I spy, cross and right and many more.  But for this the necessary condition is you must have been played it at home. Direct implementation may work for you may not as they don’t know the game. If they will find it interesting they will stop screaming and start playing.

• Roar like a lion: In this game you should teach your kids animal’s sounds and how loud they can speak. Like mouse says squeak squeak slowly, cat little bit higher in sound meow, dog little bit more higher woof woof, monkey with jumps hoop hoop and lion roar loudest. And ask I am cat meow who you are? And when any one says lion every one including lion has to be quite as lion can eat us so we need to hide from lion. Simple but interesting. And best thing is most of the times works even at first time.
• Simon says: This is a game in which they should do whatever simon says like touch your nose touch your toes and when you say I say quite they will be quite then you say I said that not simon you can scream and I am sure they won’t scream but laugh and just laugh.
• Count the colors: In this game tell your kids to find out your color like if you say yellow they need to count all the yellow things. If your kids are enough old you can ask to find biggest yellow thing or smallest one.
• Riddle game: If your kid is older than 4 years you can ask riddle. Give hint if they need and let them find the answer.  Take a turn and enjoy the game. Riddle can be about fruits vegetables or things they know.
• I Spy: This is most interesting game and good for all the ages. You can spy for colors, shapes, things, nos , letters and many more. You just need to ask them I spy for Circle and they will be busy finding circles for you.
• Cross and Right: This game is to teach your kids right and wrong. A perfect way to teach discipline. In this game you should ask any thing any situation and your kids have to answer is it right or wrong but not only with word, they have to use their hands to make cross and right. For ex: We should not greet the person we know and they will answer cross , ask couple of questions like that and then slowly ask Screaming while shopping or screaming in restaurant and when they reply with cross, just look at them with smile and say but you did!!! This will affect them for long time and slowly they will know they should not scream.

Reassure them:

• Show Empathy: Try to help your kid to calm down with your gentle touch and polite words. Express your love. Tell them that everyone can make mistakes or I know you don’t mean all these or its okay to scream sometimes but not always.
• Acknowledge your Kid: Acknowledge your kid’s feelings by your wise words like I know you want that doll but today we are not here to buy a doll. When we will come to buy a doll we will get it for you. This will let them know that you understand them.
• Name feelings: Help them to Name their feelings by words like I know you are very tired but this won’t take much time just 3 more things and we are done. Or I know you are hungry and you know me too. Kitty is screaming in my tummy who is in your tummy? Or say I know you are sad as I didn’t get that for you but we cannot have everything see I too like that cake but we didn’t buy it. When we wait, we get best.
• By Urge: Help them understand by your urge like “I don’t understand what do you want to say can you please lower your voice and use your words.” Or “I am having terrible headache as we screamed a lot today now it’s time to take care of mummy.”

1 2 3 Magic: When nothing works you have to be little harsh to your kid. Either leave the place and tell them as you screams a lot we have to go back to home or treat them with 1 2 3 magic. It’s a kind of warning that if she won’t stop now, she will get time out.

Bit tough but always works. Start with home. When you are at home and your kids scream tell them once in a simple straight line “no screaming please” and if they don’t stop say it again and then tell them I told you twice but you didn’t listen to me so now I am counting 3 if you will not stop till that I will put you on timer and start counting with your fingers so they can see your fingers. And if they don’t stop don’t hesitate to put the timer. For this select a safe place in your house or outside where they can stand or seat for couple of mins. Must not be scary and don’t leave them there alone.Timer means for that much time they won’t get you….for kids you mean everything they love you a lot and that’s why when you say to stay away from you they feel bad and that’s the reason that is best thing to do for timer. Start the timer on and when timer rings hug them and calm them down. May be for couple of times they will cry even more but trust me in a week they will stop even on your first finger. Time for timer depends on kids age. This is for above 2 years old kids and for 2 yrs old kids time should be 2 mins , for 3 yr it should be 3 mins and so on. 

Options:

• Choose noisy/loud place and give them freedom to express:  If you know your kid is fond of noise and never gone be quite don’t go to so much sophisticated place. Choose little noisy environment so your kid can feel free there and enjoy too and you too need not to think of people.
• Ignore people you are not alone: Well if there is no other option let them scream. Don’t give much attention and don’t care about people, after all parents will always understand this as I said not a single parent can say I didn’t deal with this. Just say yourself “you are not alone” and calm down. Start showing empathy to the parents who suffers this by your words like “I do understand”, “It’s perfectly okay, trust me I have seen even worst”. It will be biggest relief for the parents and you never know some one will come to you to tell you the same.

For Permanent solutions : Stay tuned for next Article.