Love your kid enough to say NO

Saying No is always difficult especially to the kids, for whom we wish to give the whole world at their feet. But at the same time it’s important too.

Recently when I asked to a kid “Tell me the best thing you like about your parents” and her reply was “They buy whatever I ask for” and added I don’t see any other good thing in my parents.

From this example you can see the parents who buy everything for their kids are also not hero for them. If you wish to satisfy your kids’ need with the things, you will never get success as there is no such thing available other than love.

This is not the only reason to say No to the kids. See the list:

• To teach them the lesson of satisfaction: If you will give them all the things they want, they will never be happy with the things they have. They will always expect more and nothing will make it up to their satisfaction. And at the end s/he will be the one holding whole world in her/his fingertips without knowing the happiness of those things. I am sure you choose to say yes to make them happy but if they are not happy what is the meaning of your yes or even No.
• To make them independent: If they ask for 3 things and you buy all those that’s okay if you are fine with that but what if they ask for 10 things? No offence if you want to buy all of those but have you ever tried to ask your kid to choose 5 from those 10 things or 1 from those 3 things? Try it not because you don’t want to buy that but it’s important to see how nicely they can take the decision. These small decisions will lead them to take big decisions wisely and easily.
• To teach them the value of the things: It is very important to be happy with the things we have and that they can’t learn if you will give everything to them. Show them how lucky they are to have these things; how lucky they are to have you and your love and to show them you need to show them how lucky you are to have them and the things you have.
• To teach them importance of money: Nothing is free in the world and it will never be. Today you are for them tomorrow can be different. So teach them the importance of money; of course not before the age 6 but yes at age 3 you can introduce the earning concept that will slowly turned to money concept. You need to give a star or a smiley for each good deed or good behavior and when they collect 10 stars or smileys they earn a chocolate or a coin. It’s simple and will satisfy your motive too.
• To teach them how to wait for the things patiently: To get 10 stars or 10 smileys is not a one day task and for that they have to wait and that’s how they will learn to have patience. They know they will get it later and they know they earned it so happiness will be doubled and your aim will be achieved. Later they can easily wait for a toy or a dress or whatever you wish for.

And for all these you have to say NO. Of course I never can agree to simply saying “No you can’t get it”.  That’s perfectly wrong but yes you can say No wisely. You can say No even without using the word No and that’s the best way.

Key factors to say NO wisely:

• If you can say No Without using the word NO that’s cool: The word No is very powerful. Once you speak it rest becomes meaningless, even your reasoning. At the same time when you mean NO without using the world No it leaves more effect. For example, you can say “sweetie we can’t buy the things we have” or “we have to choose one, we can’t buy all”.
• Don’t say No for everything: Teaching them to deal with No doesn’t mean to say No for everything. To teach them the real meaning of No, you should avoid saying NO unless and until it is important. If you will say No every time they will consider it as your habit only.
• No means No: Once you said No do not change the decision because 1. They will get confuse with your decision making problem. 2. It will give them hope to change your decision. 3. If you won’t change your decision later it will hurt them badly because of your unpredictable mood.
• Give age appropriate justification of your No: Don’t go in detail description rather choose age appropriate reasoning. At the same time don’t just simply say No because you choose that. Who are you? You can’t simply control them.
• Give little freedom to over go your NO, make mistake and learn from it: If you have said do not pull the table cloth and if they did it and made everything messy, take it easy. Let them help you in clean up and let them understand why did you say that. This way they will learn to deal with their mistakes as well as they will have faith in you and your No. Making mistake is not bad not learning from that is bad and that’s what you need to learn and teach too.
• Give your presence more than your present: When you will say “we can’t buy that doll today” and if you are expecting in return “okay dad love you” then of course you are dreaming. They will feel bad and they may show some tantrum in initial phase or they may tell you the above phrase (if they are in good mood) but for that you have to spend some quality time to know your kid. Talk to them often and show them how much important they are. Best thing you can give your kid is TIME. Things you brought for them may give the happiness for a moment but the time you spend with them will cherish them throughout the life.

The key to deal with No is your Love. “Love your kids enough to say no” when I read this line I truly flattered by the author’s thinking. True, nothing can replace the No other than Love. If you will love your kid enough then s/he won’t mind for couple of NO and truly accept it with understanding.

Love Lough And Live